心之旅

你是否曾经在对的时间遇到错的人，又是否在错的时候喜欢上对的人？ 世上的事就是如此奇妙，最可惜就是要在对的时间遇见对的人真的有如海底捞针。看来这只针已经深埋大海，我也疲于打捞心中的这根针，就让它尘封海底吧。等到哪一天能再潜入大海，再尝试找寻吧。

Back to Reality..

Have been away on a trip to Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for the past 2 weeks plus. Then today I went to JB to splurge on myself. Spent SGD$200 in total, but I bought a lot of things for Chinese New Year and 2012. Think after this, I would not be spending much on clothes le. Enough.

Now I seem to be at the cross roads like a lost sheep. Not really knowing what to do anymore. Waiting is the worst thing that can happen to you. Now I am waiting for a reply from SIA to confirm the date for my 2nd interview. They called me on the day that I was leaving for my holiday but I couldn't make it for the interview date. Should I continue teaching or should I move on to unfamiliar grounds. Many things on my mind right now or should I say nothing? Because I have constantly been so comfortable in this world of mine, I am hesitant on whether to go ahead to more fulfiling challenges. Having great companionship with my friends on friday and saturday nights, playing soccer, enjoying at least a month of holidays every year, going to JB every other week to enjoy good food etc and of course the joys and laughter interacting with students are some of the great things that have happened to me.

Mundane work has become more "fun" and acceptable only after these elements have been added in. Just like a bowl of coarse brown rice, after adding on some delicious side dishes, your life suddenly becomes more interesting. And I have my parents at home and I am expecting a earful from my dad if I tell him of my decision to quit the service. I feel like I have so much more to contribute to the education system but yet I am a "wild" horse who has not met the master who can understand and manage it. My passion for character education is calling me to do more, yet my selfish heart to explore the wide world out there calls for a change. Mixed feelings dwell up my heart as I consider my options.

For the past few weeks, I have realized that to have complete trust in a person is a really difficult thing to do. Yet the word "trust" have made me learnt and realize many important lessons in life. One thing for sure, it really goes both ways for each other to have trust for one another. 用人不疑，疑人不用。Starting to rain again, time to lie on my bed and spend some time thinking again before I go meet Master Zhou.. Good night.. Probably my last post for 2011.

Farewell Steve Jobs, good job!

Tribute to Steve Jobs (24th February 1955 - 5th October 2011)

This morning when I stepped into office, Elspeth told me that Steve Jobs has passed on and I suddenly felt so upset. Just 2 days ago, Apple just released Iphone 4S and the former CEO has passed on yesterday night. It was probably a coincident too that myself and Elspeth decided to wear black today as part of mourning for a great man.

I do not know why, but while I was reading through his life story on Wikipedia, I had a sad feeling and tears kept welling at my eyes. I still remembered doing this assignment when I was still a university student on the creation of Computers and his name was there. Since then, in the beginning of 21st century, after he revolutionized Apple and its products, we could suddenly browse the Internet in our hands and everywhere we go. Technology suddenly became closer.

To me, his major contributions would be invention of the PC, made animated films for the world, created Apple I-products which changed how the world functioned. I am yet amazed at how simple he has turned softwares into, such that they can be incorporated into his I-gadgets. I-movie, Iphone etc. With the demise of such a creative man, would we still be able to see more creative products from Apple? Arh..

Ok, life goes on.. I will go donate some blood to save some lives..

Oh by the way, do you know that he is the major single shareholder in Walt Disney? We should be grateful to have animation movies to watch...

Some excerpts from Wikipedia:

Apple released a separate statement saying that Jobs had died. The statement read '"We are deeply saddened to announce that Steve Jobs passed away today. Steve's brilliance, passion and energy were the source of countless innovations that enrich and improve all of our lives. The world is immeasurably better because of Steve. His greatest love was for his wife, Laurene, and his family. Our hearts go out to them and to all who were touched by his extraordinary gifts"'.

Also on October 5, 2011, Apple's corporate website greeted visitors with a simple obituary listing Job's lifespan next to his greyscale portrait. Clicking on Jobs' image led to an obituary that read: '"Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple."' An email address was also posted for the public to share their memories, condolences, and thoughts.

Jobs is survived by his wife, Laurene, to whom he was married for 20 years, their three children, and a fourth child, Lisa Brennan-Jobs, from a previous relationship.

Statements on Jobs' death: (Who Steve Jobs was in the eyes of others)

Bill Gates released a statement saying:

I'm truly saddened to learn of Steve Jobs' death. Melinda and I extend our sincere condolences to his family and friends, and to everyone Steve has touched through his work. Steve and I first met nearly 30 years ago, and have been colleagues, competitors and friends over the course of more than half our lives. The world rarely sees someone who has had the profound impact Steve has had, the effects of which will be felt for many generations to come. For those of us lucky enough to get to work with him, it's been an insanely great honor. I will miss Steve immensely.

Walt Disney Company president Bob Iger said in regards to Jobs:

Steve Jobs was a great friend as well as a trusted advisor. His legacy will extend far beyond the products he created or the businesses he built. It will be the millions of people he inspired, the lives he changed, and the culture he defined. Steve was such an "original," with a thoroughly creative, imaginative mind that defined an era. Despite all he accomplished, it feels like he was just getting started. With his passing the world has lost a rare original, Disney has lost a member of our family, and I have lost a great friend. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife Laurene and his children during this difficult time.

Excerpts from President Barack Obama's statement:

Steve was among the greatest of American innovators - brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it. By building one of the planet’s most successful companies from his garage, he exemplified the spirit of American ingenuity. By making computers personal and putting the internet in our pockets, he made the information revolution not only accessible, but intuitive and fun. And by turning his talents to storytelling, he has brought joy to millions of children and grownups alike. Steve was fond of saying that he lived every day like it was his last. Because he did, he transformed our lives, redefined entire industries, and achieved one of the rarest feats in human history: he changed the way each of us sees the world.

It has been a really long time...

It has been almost 1 and 1/2 years since I last posted something on this blog. I have nearly forgotten that I still have this blog since my last post. Thanks to Candy who told me that I have not posted anything for some time. Many things have taken place and I have changed quite a bit. When I read what I have posted, I ask myself where is this 'fire' in me?

Well, 2011 is still quite a smooth sailing year for me, I teach 4 classes and almost all have graduated except for my 3 higher chinese class. They will have their End of Year exams in a few hours time and their 1st O level paper in less than a month's time. So, is it time to move on? I realized that it is difficult to move away now that I have built a bond with students from my CCA and also my Higher Chinese class but it all boils down to fate if I can move to another more personal platform where I could prove my worth. To me, a thank you from students are the best gift I can get..However at times, a nonsensical complaint can bog you down. Given my character, maybe I am not suited to be in this line. I only do what I think is right and worth doing.

I have made many friends with my students, really cool people, like Shaowei, Caleb, Hong Rong, Seri, Raidah, Gui Xiang.. To mention a few and many many more..Some, whom I believe will remain as lifelong friends. The education system has a weird way of restricting teachers befriending students hence I would still want to maintain my "professional" self while still maintaining a true friendship with them.

A piece of good news though, which happened after the 2011 General Election, which saw a shake up in the Cabinet. Seems like Mr Heng, our Education Minister has realized what many others failed to realize, the vision that character education is much more important than academia. I do not know what belies in the future for the next few months. I have personal dreams and also personal goals which I hope to achieve. In order to pursue one, I have to give up the other one. Both can't go together. In order to pursue my dream of travelling and widening my perspective, I have to give up my goal of educating the next generation and pass down my knowledge to shape characters.

I dare not say that I have done much to my students, especially those who have gone to Cambodia with me but I do see a change. " A change at a time" The slogan on my T-shirt of one of my expeditions and this is what I see in them. I am especially happy for Seri for the transformations that she has proven herself to be. Really proud of her. From being one of the last few in the stream and a student who had a 'poor' grade when she was in Sec 2; she is now an "excellent" student in teacher's eyes and topping the class in her prelims. My best Station Inspector in NPCC and she has been with me to Cambodia twice and seen more of the world there. Really great memories there.

As I sit down thinking back of my past few months, I feel that as a person, I have lost out a lot of precious time to think about what I really want in life. I have been focusing on things of what others expect of me which has made me lose myself and directions. I got into a minor accident in Cambodia on the last project and it has made me lose a certain part of me. Time to adjust back.

Time to make a decision. Time to make a stand. X-men: the last stand. haha

To be or not to be

Looking back at the past few months, it has flown by in a blink of eye and as each day passes by, I am constantly bugged by the fact that being an educator is not easy. You get frustrated easily when you see others laughing away when you are worrying about their future.. You don't sleep well because there is always someone irresponsible enough to spoil your sleep when they do not hand in homework or hand in substandard work. You feel sad when you see a flawed education system which claims to be in the best interest of students yet the product of this system doubts the machine which shapes the way he/she is. You get upset when you see students after getting 10 years of education ending up in places where they are not supposed to be in, for e.g Prison, or hospital after getting hacked by others.. Are the schools or the teachers not doing enough? Or is this egalitarian system essentially flawed such that it only focuses on the A students and not those who cannot make the mark.

Must Schools be Results Driven because we grow up with the notion of "survival of the fittest" or can they be driven based only on Shaping the Character of the students? Which one should be the priority, Character or Results? To me, one with character will produce results, but not vice versa. But in the real world, in our education system, who truly and wholly believes that? No one, not even the ones who have the power to make decisions. Educators must believe in the power of shaping characters before they can really put their heart into it, but do they have the time and energy facing mountains and heaps of work? Do we?

I have to return to my mundane life of marking and thinking of how to motivate the students.. I always tell my friends, it is the holidays that drive me towards the completion of my work. But even the holidays make me worry.. Cos being an educator, work simply never ends..Never..

End of year.. Should I Lead another project? Should I or should I not? Do people see the value to doing such a project? Do you get recognized for what you do? Do people understand why you are doing so? Do you see RESULTS in your students after the project? What is the impact on them? Do they really feel it?

I have far too many questions in me....I only hope that someone can give me an answer..A student, a colleague or a stranger.. Should I or should I not lead another project?

Let me share a story before I end. It happened in class today.. A student asked me this question and it stumped me, which eventually prompted me to write this post to escape from the reality: "Cher, why does the school make use of us to achieve results?" Then they started comparing the time when they were released as compared to another neighbourhood "good" school. There were some answers coming from everywhere: " XXX school release their students at 1 plus everyday." "Because their students will go home and do their homework mah"..."Their students' results are better mah"..

Finally I stopped them and told them that there are 3 kinds of people who go to school. 1. They go to school because their friends are in school and they are just there to have fun. After school, they will return to computer and not knowing what to do with their life. 2.They go to school because their parents wanted/forced them to go and achieve results, and follow the path that they had mapped out for their child. 3. They go to school because they want to achieve something in life and they feel strongly that studying is their responsibility towards success. Most of us will stop at being the 2nd kind of people where our parents want us to grow up to be.. Few will be the 3rd kind of people and succeed in life.. And I continued to tell them about Veasna, a kid whom me and my friend "adopted" in Cambodia who is very clear about what he wants.. And it is because of his environment which shapes him into what he is..

What has become to our environment? Do kids grow up stronger and more independent? Or do they grow up listening to what their parents decide for them? Lesser and lesser people want to join the uniformed groups because they have grown up in well sheltered conditions.. UGs shape characters and I strongly believe in this. But how many actually believes in this?

Academic focused vs Character focused.. Time's up.. Back to normal life..

Of Delights, Disappointments and HOPE

I brought my 5 NPCC cadets to the National Field Cooking Competition and we got 3rd out of 12 schools. The process was grilling when I watched them cook and sweat..When I saw them make mistakes, I was so anxious that I kept showing my disagreements.. Now, thinking back, I should have placed more trust in them since I picked my leader and asked her to take charge. Even if they lost, they would have learned something.. It is the process of learning that matters. Happy for them.. They have done our unit proud.

But there were 2 others who have disappointed me.. I placed high hopes in them for a National competition and thought that they would come up with something fantastic, but in the end, the higher your hopes, the greater you fall. So I learnt a lesson too. Never place your hopes too high nor your trust in someone too much, because in the end, you may be the one getting hurt.. Though capable, the 2 of my cadets whom I placed high hopes and expectations in, were simply taking the matter lightly. Initiative, something that I am looking for in my cadets.. But how many of them actually possesses it?

Then my Sec 5s, I am happy to see some of them waking up to the call and attending remedials and night classes.. When I look at them, I realize that though they are 16 or 17, but the gentlemen simply behave like small kids.. One even "forced" me to give him a sweet because he completed his work..When will they grow up? When will they realize that they have already spent one more year than the rest of the people of their age and that life is actually quite short? How can I make those who are still lost in their own world to wake up and realize that they are already at their last year of their studies and no one can help them if they do not wake up and help themselves.. HOW CAN I HELP THEM?? Still trying my best..

Now it is important to still have hopes because that is what keep us going.. that is what keeps my job going. If you lose hope, you lose the battle.. So I can only hope for them and for myself.. I just hope that they can all pass and for those who hope to achieve the results that they are aiming for, I hope that they can do it.. Jiayou..

罗志祥 - 爱不单行

到底这首歌是什么意思呢？我们听说“祸不单行”，意思是惨祸接二连三接踵而来。那，“爱不单行”是否又是说，爱会不断接踵而来呢？会相信这句话的人不多，能实现爱一个人始终如一的人，更是凤毛麟角。我有一个朋友，他的恋情真的让我感受到浓浓的爱意，也让我深信这个世界上还存在一些希望。我最喜欢这句话：“爱 只有简单笔画 却比想象复杂”。。而这句“我在等一个人 在等我的永恒”就是我目前的心情写照。

歌词：

找不到人说 心里的寂寞
找不到人懂 怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定 在一起的那个人
很多人都像我 一个人过生活
爱 只有简单笔画 却比想象复杂
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人 也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱 是不可数的吗 为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人 在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

用不完身边 泛滥的自由
开始怕孤单 是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人 为何在天黑以后
还是宁愿回到 爱情那个枷锁

爱 只有简单笔画 却比想象复杂　（重复）
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人 也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱 是不可数的吗 为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人 在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

我在等一个人 在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行相信它