To be or not to be

Looking back at the past few months, it has flown by in a blink of eye and as each day passes by, I am constantly bugged by the fact that being an educator is not easy. You get frustrated easily when you see others laughing away when you are worrying about their future.. You don't sleep well because there is always someone irresponsible enough to spoil your sleep when they do not hand in homework or hand in substandard work. You feel sad when you see a flawed education system which claims to be in the best interest of students yet the product of this system doubts the machine which shapes the way he/she is. You get upset when you see students after getting 10 years of education ending up in places where they are not supposed to be in, for e.g Prison, or hospital after getting hacked by others.. Are the schools or the teachers not doing enough? Or is this egalitarian system essentially flawed such that it only focuses on the A students and not those who cannot make the mark.

Must Schools be Results Driven because we grow up with the notion of "survival of the fittest" or can they be driven based only on Shaping the Character of the students? Which one should be the priority, Character or Results? To me, one with character will produce results, but not vice versa. But in the real world, in our education system, who truly and wholly believes that? No one, not even the ones who have the power to make decisions. Educators must believe in the power of shaping characters before they can really put their heart into it, but do they have the time and energy facing mountains and heaps of work? Do we?

I have to return to my mundane life of marking and thinking of how to motivate the students.. I always tell my friends, it is the holidays that drive me towards the completion of my work. But even the holidays make me worry.. Cos being an educator, work simply never ends..Never..

End of year.. Should I Lead another project? Should I or should I not? Do people see the value to doing such a project? Do you get recognized for what you do? Do people understand why you are doing so? Do you see RESULTS in your students after the project? What is the impact on them? Do they really feel it?

I have far too many questions in me....I only hope that someone can give me an answer..A student, a colleague or a stranger.. Should I or should I not lead another project?

Let me share a story before I end. It happened in class today.. A student asked me this question and it stumped me, which eventually prompted me to write this post to escape from the reality: "Cher, why does the school make use of us to achieve results?" Then they started comparing the time when they were released as compared to another neighbourhood "good" school. There were some answers coming from everywhere: " XXX school release their students at 1 plus everyday." "Because their students will go home and do their homework mah"..."Their students' results are better mah"..

Finally I stopped them and told them that there are 3 kinds of people who go to school. 1. They go to school because their friends are in school and they are just there to have fun. After school, they will return to computer and not knowing what to do with their life. 2.They go to school because their parents wanted/forced them to go and achieve results, and follow the path that they had mapped out for their child. 3. They go to school because they want to achieve something in life and they feel strongly that studying is their responsibility towards success. Most of us will stop at being the 2nd kind of people where our parents want us to grow up to be.. Few will be the 3rd kind of people and succeed in life.. And I continued to tell them about Veasna, a kid whom me and my friend "adopted" in Cambodia who is very clear about what he wants.. And it is because of his environment which shapes him into what he is..

What has become to our environment? Do kids grow up stronger and more independent? Or do they grow up listening to what their parents decide for them? Lesser and lesser people want to join the uniformed groups because they have grown up in well sheltered conditions.. UGs shape characters and I strongly believe in this. But how many actually believes in this?

Academic focused vs Character focused.. Time's up.. Back to normal life..

Of Delights, Disappointments and HOPE

I brought my 5 NPCC cadets to the National Field Cooking Competition and we got 3rd out of 12 schools. The process was grilling when I watched them cook and sweat..When I saw them make mistakes, I was so anxious that I kept showing my disagreements.. Now, thinking back, I should have placed more trust in them since I picked my leader and asked her to take charge. Even if they lost, they would have learned something.. It is the process of learning that matters. Happy for them.. They have done our unit proud.

But there were 2 others who have disappointed me.. I placed high hopes in them for a National competition and thought that they would come up with something fantastic, but in the end, the higher your hopes, the greater you fall. So I learnt a lesson too. Never place your hopes too high nor your trust in someone too much, because in the end, you may be the one getting hurt.. Though capable, the 2 of my cadets whom I placed high hopes and expectations in, were simply taking the matter lightly. Initiative, something that I am looking for in my cadets.. But how many of them actually possesses it?

Then my Sec 5s, I am happy to see some of them waking up to the call and attending remedials and night classes.. When I look at them, I realize that though they are 16 or 17, but the gentlemen simply behave like small kids.. One even "forced" me to give him a sweet because he completed his work..When will they grow up? When will they realize that they have already spent one more year than the rest of the people of their age and that life is actually quite short? How can I make those who are still lost in their own world to wake up and realize that they are already at their last year of their studies and no one can help them if they do not wake up and help themselves.. HOW CAN I HELP THEM?? Still trying my best..

Now it is important to still have hopes because that is what keep us going.. that is what keeps my job going. If you lose hope, you lose the battle.. So I can only hope for them and for myself.. I just hope that they can all pass and for those who hope to achieve the results that they are aiming for, I hope that they can do it.. Jiayou..