Monday, April 21, 2008

My heart pains for you!

My heart ached this afternoon, at 3pm sharp. What happened? I was speaking to this student from a normal academic class, and he was supposed to be punished by my friend, and sent to detention. There were actually 2 of them, and both ran into the male toilet to escape from my friend. So I had to go in and catch them out. Indeed they came out, but were reluctant to go for detention. One of them said he hated teachers, and asked my friend to just give him a zero mark for the test, and he was not interested in his studies at all. Furthermore, he said he was better off dead, and he rather be dead, cos no one even bothers about him. I realized then that what he required was probably a counsellor, and a really professional one. But this was not what make my heart ache.

Following by, the Discipline mistress walked by and took over with my friend and they walked over with the student. I was left there then and I spoke to the remaining kid, supposedly to be sent for detention too. I had wanted to ask him to apologize to the teacher, since I believed that my friend would have released him, if he was to admit his mistakes. But it went on that I had this conversation with him, that made me feel down.

"Why are you being spiteful, and giving yourself up?"
"Well, no one cares about me, my dad hits me for all the right or wrong reasons, when he can't find a job. Then, only my mum, and maybe grandma will stand up for me. But they will get scolded as well."
"But then is it because of your attitude then?"
"NO! I always stand there and get scolded, and beaten up."
"Why don't you tell teachers about that?"
"I hate teachers, all teachers, they always aim at me, always scold me, blame me for everything."
"Are you sure it is not because you did not do your work, or behaved badly?"
"Well, if it was not for their attitude, then I would not hate school that much. I hate my father, hate to go home, and hate the teachers."
"But no matter how much you hate them, you still have to live strongly and graduate, before you can make your own plans."
"No point, I don't feel like living anyway, I want to move out of home."
"But where can you move to?"
"Anywhere, I don't mind going to jail, got free food, and lodging."
"But did you consider that if you go to jail, you will be unhappy and your mum will be very sad."
"Whatever, No one will care for me lar."
"No matter what, you have to be strong and not look down on yourself, no matter who looks down on you. "
" No one treats me like a human. Teachers call me idiot, stupid, Father calls me a log, sister calls me a pig, I don't know."
I tried to tell him how my dad hits me when i was small but for the right reasons, and I told him this: "Do you know my heart hurts when i hear you say this?"
"I duno you too, what for, even if you try to talk to me?"

Then, we walk over to the detention area to ask if he can be dismissed, he was scolded again for showing attitude, and was warned that he would be slapped and sent for detention if he continues to show the same behaviour. After I asked my friend for consent to dismiss him, I walked out with him. Out of spite, he said, " I will burn her whole family." I knew that would be his response, as he was still angry at being wronged, since he only wanted to see if he can go home.

Nonetheless, I told him that he is behaving like his dad, and he should not learn the bad habits from his dad, which he seemed to realize and then left silently.

As I write this, I keep questioning myself this: Why are there more and more counsellors? Why are there more and more students behaving in this manner, giving themselves up? Who gave them up? The society, their parents, teachers, who? Who is responsible for whom they are? Previously I thought that the main culprit should be the Media, now, I still maintain that, but I only have this to say: "If we can show more concern and care to these lonely kids, who dread going home, because it is forever so empty, with their parents working, and no one to talk to them, then they might not be what they are now. We, refers to anyone reading this post. Look around you, go and talk to these children, they need you to care for them, not more scoldings, and grudges against them. " See you in the next post.

"PS: the conversation in English may not sound so strong, but i conversed in Chinese, so I can feel how much hopelessness there is with the conversation."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i reali pity the boy u tok to... actually,if his family treats him beta,his attitude in sch may nt be tht bad...for nw, i can jus wish him all the best.